If I Could Go Back

Yep, that's me!

It is the child that still lives deep within even the oldest of us that allows thinking and sometimes even doing things that the normal us would never do or think. This child within frees my mind to wonder, not to worry about the bills, or the Cowboys or what the weather will be like two weeks from now, but to go beyond the possible and dream of what could be. This childlike curiosity of mine frees my mind from the grips of the acceptable and lets me reshape reality into something more comfortable.

I have become somewhat stoic when it comes to physical travel, but I have a busy mind when it comes to journeys within. My mind tends to travel back in time visiting the people, places and things that either affected my life or I somehow affected them. Very seldom do I travel into the future due to the lack of fuel for thought, or possibly a lack of imagination.

I often wonder, if I could go back, what would I change if I could? Then I argue if you are content with your life now, why would you go back and change something that could change the good that you now have? So, the child within me establishes a new rule for going back: Anything you change, as long as it is for the better, will not change the happiness you now enjoy.

When I travel back to the early years of my life, I don't really take any exceptions, not because everything was perfect, but because the first ten years or so are pretty well protected by the innocents of youth clause. It's not until I reached the "you-should-know-better" stage of youth that I began to take exceptions to my life. One obvious change would be to not confuse love with infatuation. I wouldn't confuse want with need. I would think twice about sacrificing friendship for popularity. I would choose my friends based on who they were, rather than what others claimed they were.

While I am proud of my achievements or at least my efforts in sports, I think I would now learn more about the arts because the arts are a kinder companion of the older folks. I wouldn't always say "Me too," when my heart was saying "Not me." I would appreciate the efforts and patients of my teachers and I would have told them so. I would know the difference between cute and smart ass and conduct myself accordingly.

I would have asked my mom and dad more questions, I would pay more attention to their words, I would have told mom I loved her every day and never, ever told her that I didn't love her anymore. I would hug and tell dad I loved him long before I found out he was dying. My little brothers and I would have gone fishing more together and I would never lose touch with what was going on in their lives.

I would travel back and find the person responsible for putting Daylight Savings Time in effect and talk him out of it. Finally, I wouldn't wait until I was sixty-four to tell everybody what I believed, how I felt and what I had on my mind.