I Can't Wait Until I Can Do What I Want

  I can remember way back when I was on the short side of four feet tall, when I was going to school for what seemed like an eternity and then get out for the summer for ninety days and it seemed like a week. I can remember thinking, "I can't wait until I no longer have to go to school and I can do whatever I want". I remember peddling around and around and around the block on my Western Flyer bicycle with strips of cardboard attached to the fender brace, striking the spokes and how that clattering noise seemed to make me go faster. I remember thinking, "I can't wait until I'm old enough to drive a car and go where ever I so desired, whenever I want, even if it is ten miles away."

Then there were the can't win for losing days when I was grounded for a week because my younger brothers couldn't keep their mouths shut. I couldn't wait until I could get away from my brothers and do what I wanted to do without worrying about them telling on me and getting in the way. There were all the times that I ask Mom and Dad if I could go somewhere neat because all, and I mean every single one, of my friends were going and they told me no. They never would understand, it sure would be great when I could make my own decisions without having to talk to Mom and Dad.

I remember working at Dad's shop in the summer and on weekends to make a little spending money and still have to ask for a little more when Mom would take us to the movie. My thoughts are still clear, "I can't wait until I get a real job so I can buy all kinds of stuff any time I want". I can still remember Friday nights with the sound of the bands playing, the smell of popcorn, beautiful girls and their huge mum corsages with ribbons and bells galore, and then the thrill of seeing the hometown football team charge onto the field. I remember thinking, "One of these days that will be me, I'll be a star and get a scholarship to where ever I want to go."

There were so many times ,in the middle part of my life, I dreamed of the time when I would no longer have to work, the kids would be gone and I could do all the things I have always wanted to do. I could fish, hunt, travel, party, or, if I wanted, I could do absolutely nothing. It would be nice to be the master of my life, owing nothing to a soul, obligated to no one but me, always traveling light with nobodies baggage but my own.

The years passed at an amazing speed, the memories have amassed, some good, some bad, some blurred. Despite my efforts, as well as an occasional lack thereof, I have made it to that point in my life that I have always been striving for. I am financially stable, basically healthy, have nothing but time, and I'm old. I can do what I want to do. I can think about riding my bicycle with streamers, clappers and friends. I can think about my brothers and how I miss seeing them more. And then there is Mom and there is Dad.....how I wish you were still here to give advice, laugh with, hold and love.

Yes I can do whatever I want to, whenever I want to and that's not as much as I had always thought it would be. I have Amber, Cae, family, friends and mountains of memories and they make me the master of my soul with a heart obligated to all that have traveled with me.

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