If You Could Hear My Thoughts

                 

We see people doing things and because they are not saying anything, we sometimes wonder to ourselves, "I wonder what they are thinking." Well, here is a sample of some of my thoughts as I go through my workout at the gym. I try to work out five days a week. I usually lift weights for about an hour and then get on a cardio machine for fifteen to thirty minutes, usually depending on how intense my workout had been to that point. Within a short time, I usually begin to sweat profusely and usually have a scowl on my face often misinterpreted as an indication of my intensity and dedication to my workout but actually it is just my mask of pain.

I walk into the gym and my first thoughts are, "What is that smell, oh well, hopefully I'll get used to it!" I then start putting on all my workout paraphernalia, straps, braces, wraps, etc and look around the gym, "Crap, I'm the only one in here...nobody to talk to, going to be a tough workout!" I finally get rigged up and after checking one more time to make sure my shorts and tee-shirt aren't on backward, I start my workout.

I start out by doing a few warm-ups hoping that I'll be able to crank the old body up for one more work out. After about five minutes of warming up I become aware of the music playing, " What in the hell is that noise? It's like I'm in some sort of CIA torture chamber blaring the same horrible noises over and over!" I go to one of the employees and ask if they could please change the music to something less painful. They ask what I'd like to hear and I suggest some old rock and roll. They give me the old "I understand" smile and change the music to some 1990's music. "Man! I have socks older than that music. Of course I still wear shirts older than the gals working here! Oh well, at least I can understand some of the lyrics, although I wouldn't want my kids to hear them."

I finally get into the meat of my workout when this young lady walks in, looks my way and begins to work out on some of the cardio equipment. I immediately suck in my stomach and add about fifty pounds to what I was working out with. After about five minutes I'm thinking, " Man! That gal needs to go get a tan, leave or something because I'm about to hyperventilate from holding my gut in and I think I may be getting a hernia from lifting this extra weight!" She finally starts walking to another part of the gym, looks my way and gives me a smile. "Yep, I still got it!", as I trip over some weights laying on the floor, "Don't limp, don't scream, don't cry, at least until she's in the other room!" I tell myself as I stand with an idiotic grin on my face.

I look over toward the mirrors, "Man, look at that! It looks like I'm growing man boobs, think I'll do a little bench press!" About the time I was finishing my second set of 150 Pounds, this young guy comes in, throws about 225 pounds on another bench press machine and starts pressing it like it was nothing. "Make sure he can see the shoulder surgery scar," I tell myself, "So he'll understand why I'm not lifting heavy. Look at him strutting around, his arms aren't but about eighteen inches long, no wonder he makes it look so easy!"

I finally finished most of my weight lifting routine and started walking toward the cardio machines, "Man, I hate cardio! No one would know if I skipped it today. Anyway there are a couple of gals on the cardio machines, there's not much room. Well crap! Here comes Mike, he'll give me a hard time if I skip cardio!" So I reluctantly got on a machine between the two gals. "I'll show the gals how it is done!" About the time I got started, the two gals started talking to each other. It was if I wasn't there! " Mmm, that sounds good, I wonder if Amber knows how to make Zucchini bread." I learned that between their two husbands, one of them was a slob, "I wouldn't live with him either!" and the other one is a real sweetheart, "I wouldn't live with him either but I would let him buy me a car!" They went on and on. "I didn't know there was so many ways to remove hair (ouch) and I don't know who Clair is, but she's not a very nice girl." There was a couple of other things said that I didn't really understand, "I wonder if it would upset them if I interrupted them and ask them to explain?"

The girls finally finished up and dismounted the machines. I looked down at the timer, "Crap! I've been on this machine for forty-five minutes! I hope I'll be able to walk tomorrow! Man I hope I'm not having a heart attack!" Then as I walk by the girls, "Okay, suck up that gut, act like you do this every day....uh oh! I feel a cramp coming on, walk faster!"